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Bailey Tries His Paw at Political Commentary November 3, 2003

Posted by worldspectacle in Uncategorized.

Bailey Blue, pundit

Who better to be a political commentator than a seasoned politician who recently ran for Governor of California? Who better to air his opinions than a cat who really has some stinkers? We present our new Monday feature:

Miss Monica: Does Bailey care about President Putin freezing shares of Yukos?

Bailey’s Spokesperson: No, that�s too far away.

MM: The Bush administration reshaping its strategy for Iraq?

BS: (Yawn).

MM: The Republican party demanding an advance viewing of the new Reagan biopic?

BS: Have any cats been defamed in the movie?

MM: Probably not. I think Reagan had a dog.

BS: Who cares, then?

MM: Episcopaleans electing a gay bishop?

BS: So? They had a messy beginning, too.

MM: Indian Gaming?

BS: Irrelevant. Bailey doesn�t know what an Indian is. He likes game hens, though. Broiled.

MM: The California wildfires?

BS: He didn�t like the fires. They smelled. The helicopters were flying all over the place. They were very noisy. His partner, Hennessy, was coughing. That was annoying. And Bailey was outraged by reports of people leaving their cats in their burning homes. He could understand dogs. But not cats.

MM: This isn�t going very well, is it?

BS: Well, look. Bailey cares about the energy crisis. Because if there�s no energy, it’s either too cold, or too dark, or too hot.

MM: And Bailey�s solution to the crisis would be?

BS: Well, that�s not Bailey�s problem, is it? And the grocery store clerk strike — Outrageous! Nothing should stand between Bailey and food. Nothing.

MM: So does Bailey support a resolution that would favor the strikers, or the grocery stores?

BS: Who cares? They just need to stop. And Bailey would like to pass a bill that would prevent gardeners from using power tools, and would make them cut the grass by hand.

MM: Ah. Like the actress, Julie Newmar. She lobbied for a ban on leafblowers.

BS: We don�t know who she is, but we like her already.

MM: She played Catwoman in the original Batman series.

BS: Awwww. Bailey likes her a lot.

MM: The governor elect, Arnold Schwarzenegger?

BS: Oh! Now you�ve hit a sore spot! Bailey wants to comment that Jessica Simpson, who couldn�t tell if Chicken-of-the-Sea was chicken or tuna, was probably allowed to vote, while he, Bailey, was locked in the house for the whole day, along with millions of his supporters.

MM: So�

BS: Bailey, not only can he tell the difference between chicken and tuna, but he can also tell when his personal servant is being cheap and buys the store brand.

MM: So Bailey feels he was robbed?

BS: He wants to know, who�s the smarter species now?

MM: What do you mean?

BS: Who�s smarter? Bailey or Jessica Simpson? That should determine who was elected governor. He was also disturbed by a Halloween show that showed that not only can rats climb up your drain pipes, and enter your house through the toilet, but that while they�re in your house they�ll eat your cat food. Horrifying.

MM: That�s not really political commentary, though�.

BS: It’s important to Bailey, which is all that matters. Rats should be outlawed. Also, he and his fellow Felinians in the Felinian Brotherhood demand henceforth to be referred to as �Feline-Americans,� instead of �Cats.� And furthermore�.

MM: O-kay� I think that�s all the time we have for this today. Thank you.



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