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Not sorry October 2, 2003

Posted by worldspectacle in Uncategorized.
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Mr. Bailey Blue, candidate for governor of California

Bailey Blue�s spokesperson on Thursday acknowledged that Bailey had �behaved badly� in the past at every opportunity and is not at all sorry for his rowdy behavior. An excerpt from our interview with the candidate:

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Miss Monica: In one instance, Bailey is reported to have bitten the television repairman so severely that blood spurted on the carpet.

Bailey�s Spokesperson: He�s not sorry. That guy was touching his TV.

MM: He�s also reported to have attacked the plumber.

BS: The plumber was touching Bailey�s bathtub. Besides, Bailey couldn�t bite through his construction boot.

MM: But Bailey doesn�t bathe, does he?

BS: Even though he doesn�t use it, the bathtub is still his. He marked it, after all.

MM: And reports that Bailey jumped up on a sleeping houseguest and peed on his back?

BS: The guest just had to shower. No harm done.

MM: How about rumors that Bailey stalked a small child recently, who was rescued only at the last second by its mother?

BS: Bailey doesn�t know what babies are. They look like prey animals to him. If something�s only twice Bailey�s size there�s gonna be trouble.

MM: And the lawsuit by the cat groomer, who was attacked so ferociously that blood splattered on the wall? The cat groomer then went to the hospital, received penicillin to which he was allergic, and ended up in intensive care?

BS: How is that Bailey�s fault? The cat groomer guy brought it on himself. He accepted the risk by becoming a cat groomer in the first place. Only a fool would approach Bailey with a brush.

MM: And rumors that the cat groomer dropped his lawsuit from fear of retaliation?

BS: Just rumors.

MM: And Bailey�s beaten up other cats as well?

BS: Oh, yes. At every opportunity. So? They should just keep their distance, and then Bailey�s fine.

MM: And the distance would be?

BS: If Bailey can see you, you are too close. He bites me. He bites everyone. He just bites.

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