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Inside the Bizarre Cult that’s Gripped Wales September 28, 2003

Posted by worldspectacle in Uncategorized.
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Monkeyboy, Icon.

“I had an overwhelming need to toss my bananas at his feet and kneel.”

Fiona Pfillingsley clutches a playing card sized icon, which hangs from a grubby yellow string tied around her neck, and describes the first time she met her guru in the fruit aisle of Sainsbury’s Superstore in Swansea.

“I was overwhelmed by his radiance and peacefulness. Not to put too sexual a point on it, but I have to be honest, my instinctive primate … err, I mean primal urges were aroused. I was overwhelmed by his mastery, his depth, the really, really big line of bananas at his feet.”

Pfillingsley is one of the growing number of people who practice banananarianism as members of the Join Us (Or Else) cult.

Cult members, believing that bananas have been singled out as “God’s spiritual fruit,” eat nothing but pureed banana.

Banananarians also believe that Thursday is the “Great Evil,” and stay motionless indoors from Wednesday evening through Friday morning.

Her failure to show up to work on Thursdays eventually cost Pfillingsley her job as a software support technician in a call centre.

“People have trouble with their computers on Thursday, too,” her employer admonished her.

He was unmoved by her arguments that customers should be advised on Thursdays to not touch their computers, but to instead stay in bed.

Unemployed and penniless, Pfillingsley was forced to join other Monkeyboy devotees living in an underground temple deep inside the redundant South Crofty Tin Mine.

Life is easier now, she claims.

“I spend my days telling lost souls about the blessings of the banana. And I have an autographed picture of Monkeyboy to gaze upon every night before I go to bed.”

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