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BBBC News: Cult born of boredom and bananas. September 13, 2003

Posted by worldspectacle in Uncategorized.
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“We’re not allowed to talk about it,” cult members say.

One morning when Wood N Monkeyboy was languishing at the bottom of a mineshaft in West Cornwall, he decided to create a lapel button which read simply ‘join us (or else).’

Monkeyboy’s followers, who at first were attracted by his slogan and the idea of helping to guard his valuable fruit collection, have since caught the nation’s attention with their claims that all they need to survive in the world is bananas.

Members of the Join Us (Or Else) cult drape themselves in cloth woven from fibrous skins of pisang susa bananas and eat nothing but banana pureed with water, believing it will “cosmically cleanse” their bodies.

Michael Sharon, spokesman for the Cult Information Centre, says that the centre has been monitoring the activities of Join Us (Or Else) adherents.

“It’s not really a cult,” Mr Sharon says. “More like the Hollywood Diet.”

Police would not confirm or deny rumours that a youth found on Tuesday lying unconscious on a road in west Wales belonged to the Join Us (Or Else) organisation.

The young man was discovered by two women in a shopping district in a small village in rural Pembrokeshire.

He was rushed by ambulance to a local hospital, where he has been treated for potassium poisoning.

Detectives are still trying to establish exactly what happened to the young man, but are treating the case as a self-administered accidental overdose of vitamin tablets.

Media speculation had suggested that the man might be involved in the Join Us (Or Else) cult, since he was wearing a yellow jumper and smelled strongly of banana.

But local government officials expressed frustration at highly disruptive public attention paid to what may be no more than “a quack health programme.”

“We haven’t a clue what these banana-brains are going on about, and neither have you,” said an unnamed government spokeswoman. “It must be a slow news day if all you’ve got to think about is banananarianism. Now why don’t you all go home and have a nice cup of tea?”

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